Domestic Violence leading to Death – Easily Predicted
Need help? Visit TheHotline.org or call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE
Every 4 hours in this country a women is killed by her domestic partner. In the U.S.–during the 21st century. That astonishes me.
Recently a commercial has acquired airtime that I think inadvertently promotes violence. In the ad, every time someone sees the car that’s on sale, they punch the person (man, woman or child) in the arm. On one level, this seems harmless. On another level, it’s indicative of the violence in our society. Punching games encourage violence; punching is not a game or a marketing device, and it should be taken seriously. It may seem like a childish game but remember who played punching games in the schoolyard? Bullies. Research indicates that “bullying during childhood puts children at risk of criminal behaviour and domestic violence in adulthood.” (link, in case the link doesn’t translate to blog: http://www.abc.tcd.ie/school.html) Â Games that bullies play should not be glorified for the sake of selling cars.
Cars or no cars sold, violence is pervasive beyond this commercial: from the video games we purchase to the wars we pay for in the Middle East. If we want to stand for peace, we need to do so in every facet of our lives, including our advertisements. When we read or hear a story in the news about the violence, it touches our hearts or alights us into action. But when we see it being made light of, do we shrug it off? If that’s the case, it makes for a sad commentary for our society. I highly recommend that anyone who thinks this “punching” commercial is “cool” or “great marketing” see this show. Interviewee: “Yeah, he hit me. That was a sign [of abuse to come].” The expert on show: “No, that’s not a sign. That’s the end of the relationship. Once he hits you once, it will only lead to more violence.” Powerful show. Share with all women in your life. I know I will.
If you feel you might be in a violent situation with your partner or know someone who is take this assessment or offer someone a safe place to take it, It could very well save their lives.
Need help? Visit TheHotline.org or call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE
Tags: Domestic violence, domestic violence hotline, Violence against women
Thanks for posting this, Clyde. I too think we have become desensitized to violence on TV and ads. It’s everywhere so we don’t even see it as a problem anymore.
Thanks for the reminder and the strong stand for women and anyone who has been the victim of violence.
Thanks for writing this Clyde. Have you heard of Gavin de Becker’s MOSAIC tool? It is an assessment tool you can take to see if it’s likely that your partner will kill you based on past behavior. It can be found here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/MOSAIC-Gavin-de-Beckers-Online-Threat-Assessment-Tool
I also think it’s important to mention that hitting is NOT usually the first sign of violence to come. ” Oh but he didn’t HIT me…” – just slapped, pushed, pulled…it’s all the SAME spirit and WILL escalate.
Yes, the link on this site goes to Gavin’s tool. It’s awesome. Thanks for the comment, Jennifer!
Thanks for a good reminder, Clyde.
And, is sure to spark a good conversation with my son.
Thank you for re-opening a conversation about violence in the media and connecting it with other societal conflicts. Even if “studies show” that these things are clearly, statistically coincidental – it still needs to be a discussion that families, friends and public leaders *need* to continue.
Oh, and speaking of violence in the media: that picture scares me
I guess violence that’s portrayed in the media – even in a negative light – still proves effective…
It’s refreshing to see a male write such a post–thank you, Clyde!
I agree with Vicki in that our society is way too desensitized about the underlying actions we witness through everyday channels, like television for one. I personally do not watch TV anymore (except for nature shows and an occasional episode of “House”–only because I like his “snarkiness”). During the few times I’ve sat with Jonathan while he’s watching CSI or some equivalent, I can feel my body react in a completely different manner. I can only attribute this to the fact that I am sensitive to violence and the like on television. I can only wonder what this constant flow of bad energy is doing to the youth of America.
Excellent article Clyde, and I agree about the commercial. I’ve seen it, and was really searching for a reason why the company would use that approach. Clearly, they thought it would get laughs. :/ I was literally thinking “That’s so stupid!”, while watching it.
Kurt is much like Dawn when it comes to the violence on TV shows, so much in fact, that he immediately leaves the room. Though I don’t watch shows such as CSI, I do watch a medical-based drama, and he won’t watch that either. If we’re searching the cable guide for what to watch, the channel that’s currently on must be violence-free.
I definitely think we’re sending mixed messages to our youth!
As a domestic violence survivor myself, I appreciate you taking the time to write about this and share it with others. Our country is slowly creating an environment where women are becoming more empowered and there are more resources available- but we still have a very long way to go. Raising awareness does make a difference. Thank You Clyde
I am wondering if even though women are becoming more empowered and there are more resources available for abused women to leave, the increased violence on TV and in movies has made it more acceptable to victimize women? One could debate this for hours.
Thanks for the post Clyde. This post hit too close to home.
Yes, the link on this site goes to Gavin’s tool. It’s awesome. Thanks for the comment, Jennifer!
Great article, thank you very much!
good share, great article, very usefull for us…thanks!
No estб seguro de que esto es verdad:), pero gracias a un cargo.
Nicolas
Great article, thank you very much!
The other really scary statistics are the one’s that show how common violence is in young relationships, too. The cycle of Domestic Violence can start in teenage relationships and what is heartbreaking is that the young women impacted RARELY have the self esteem to report it.
I also feel that mental abuse and belittling someone verbally is just as damaging. It’s sublime, but I am acuel aware and super sensitive to this subject – so I notice it even among some of my good friends’ relationships. It breaks my heart when I see super smart, savvy women in relationships with uber controlling male partners and since they are not being HIT, they do not feel like it’s abuse. But, in my book, it is abuse, too.
Thank you for providing the hotline here, too:
Need help? Visit TheHotline.org or call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE
Thanks for bringing this up. Yesterday I volunteered at the Sunnyvale Art & Wine Festival with Support Network for Battered Women, a wonderful local organization that provides support and services to abused women and their children.
I’ve been lucky enough in my life to never be the victim of abuse, physical or mental (and I agree with Chrystal that verbal abuse is also very damaging) but have had friends in these situations. We can never be reminded often enough that abuse perpetuates in all walks of life and that noone should stand for it. Thanks for the post
Clyde,
I’m not a fan of that commercial because I don’t really find it funny, and your post makes me take a 2nd look at it. You’re right in that when we promote these kind of things on TV (which is by far one of the largest mediums for kids and adults absorbing ideas and information), we can send some mixed signals to others.
We all remember the crazy stunts on commercials (like the show “Jackass”) that forced commercials to include those disclaimers about not doing it at home (even then you can’t read the lines).
I think it is important to stop and pay attention to the messages we send to our youth on DV against any gender, race, religion, etc.
We really do “get what we give”. Producers need to remember that besides just their ratings.
Cheers,
Lee
Clyde, While I totally agree that the car commercial is wrong, this piece is so one sided it breaks my heart that you don’t understand what’s really going on. I’m on the Board of the nations leading Domestic Violence non-profit, we conduct an annual event that brings together law enforcement, courts, family advocacy groups, the whole shebang, to help end Domestic Violence.
But it’s well intentioned people like yourself who keep spreading the propaganda that women are inherently victims and that men are always the perpetrators.
The missing pieces:
A man is severely assaulted by his wife/girlfriend every 14.6 seconds;
The vast majority of scientific Survey research continues to indicate that husbands and wives are assaulting each other at nearly the same rate, a range from 35 to 50 percent male victims;
Most assaults between partners are mutual 48.6%!
We have to STOP believing the rhetoric and start looking at the facts or we will never ever find a solution.
Raising awareness in our world is a beautiful thing Clyde. Anything we can do to help humanity is key. So thanks for this information as it could be anyone, child, woman, neighbor, best friend. It’s good to know where to turn. Thanks
Violence begets violence, it is as simple as that. The way we have been desensitized with violent movies, commercials, games and tv shows, makes us less aware of violence that is all around us and makes it easier to find excuses for such behavior. Physical violence and abuse or Emotional abuse are both wrong, no matter who perpetrates it. I am glad to see you making a statement about this Clyde and I am also glad to see Adryenn’s comment as well. Women can be just as evil physically and emotionally.
Cheryl McDonald
I will be sharing this with many that I know personally that suffer or have suffered through this …OH and I hate that ad and that “game”
thanks for this post. I agree that the commercial has unnecessary violence. I am often appalled at how much violence is on programs that seem to be meant for the family. I saw an episode of Family Guy and the little kid shot his mom. I don’t even like to have the TV on and probably wouldn’t if my husband wasn’t such a fan of TV.
Clyde, love this line: “violence is pervasive beyond this commercial: from the video games we purchase to the wars we pay for in the Middle East. If we want to stand for peace, we need to do so in every facet of our lives…”
Peace begins with the choices we make ourselves every day, whether it’s choosing to be peaceful in how we speak with our own family or choosing to pursue peace by helping someone get out of an abusive relationship. I’d add that as far as the abusive relationships go, if you’re trying to help/support someone get out, having them identify is just the first step. It can take weeks/months/years for them to work up the courage to leave, but having a true friend remind them: “Hey this is NOT what you deserve or should settle for, you have options, you have help,” can be what makes it possible.
Great blog, Clyde. One of my sisters was a victim of domestic violence about 20 years ago — my parents were able to rescue her and her daughter, and thankfully she found a man several years later that treats her as a queen! So her story had a happy ending, but I know how devastating this can be. I am so glad someone else thinks those car commercials are inappropriate! I cringe every time I see them! And I agree that there is way too much violence accepted in our society. Thank you for bringing this to the light.
Dear Clyde,
I am with you. Violence begets violence and no violence should be glorified. The truth is bullying starts in the schools, and in many ways our society turns a blind eye to bullying. Bullying can become violent.
Compassion is an essential ingredient in changing the way we live and think.
Hi Clyde, sometimes I wish we could go back to a time when things were simpler and these kind of things never happened. Sadly, there isn’t such a time. Woman have been under the thumb of men throughout time.
It saddens me when I see woman taking it from a man that’s beating them, but I’m not in their shoes and don’t know what kind of household they grew up in.
I’m all for going back to kinder movies, video and TV shows. Is that possible or have we swung the pendulum too far in the wrong direction?
Clyde, this was a very good reminder of a tragic problem in our culture. Thank you for sharing it. Not only did it encourage me to be aware of the signs of domestic violence, but as someone who works in “advertising” it was also a reminder to work responsibly. We are all responsible (as advertisers, advertising designers and even bloggers) for what we contribute to the cultural media flow. I want to make sure what I contribute is positive and worthwhile.
Clyde thanks for opening a subject that sparks such great comments. Obviously a subject that needs lots of light.